Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
