there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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