The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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