i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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