He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
