I CAN MOONWALK!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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