I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
