You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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