Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
