I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
