Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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