My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
