she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
