it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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