nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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