I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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