I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
