sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
