kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
