Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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