So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
