Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize