We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
