Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
