There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
