There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
