My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
