Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
