she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
