now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
