Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
