I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
