FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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