I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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