i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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