I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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