we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My ATM looks so different sober.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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