There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize