Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
