You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
