That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Can Purell be used as lube?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Randomize
