you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize