just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
