forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
