dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
