she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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