He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
