My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
