physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
