we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
