My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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