Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
