tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
im on a boat
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