Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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