I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
