I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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