Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
