at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
last night I used snow as a chaser
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
