Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
