Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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