Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm too high and old for this...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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