dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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