My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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