A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
