Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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