On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
