Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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