I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
