College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize