what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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