Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
