I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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