i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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