I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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